tears on ice

i'm feeling short of breath, so i need a moment or so..
everything feels like its falling apart.
i guess it's felt like that for the larger part of 2 years.
my god, i don't believe everything that's happened.
i was feeling okay, or at least thining i was
until i wound up in that accident
and found the only sense of freedom and independence i had
taken away from me.
I found the one who I had counted on had turned his back on me...
or at least that's how it feels.
I know he's got things going on in his life
but it's like i said,
if that's the case, I wish he'd just tell me.
The fact that I've got people who don't know me outside of name offering their comfort just makes me feel worse, because he hasn't offered me a damn thing.
I just want a moment...
an embrace...
I want him to hear it from me, instead of through the grapevine.
I want to be loved...to be loved by him. And I know it isn't impossible, because it's happened before. I don't know what I did to no longer deserve that. I don't know what's happened to change him so much and yet so little at the same time.
I'm so hurt and frustrated and lonely, and feeling like I'll never love first again.